"The Champagne Of Beers"!! ie....The Rabbit Turd In The Dead Sparrow, The Cum Shot On The Corpse, The Period Blood Of Fruit Juice, Turducken.

Let's be honest, it's the only beer that tastes better out of a 16 ounce can! That's saying something.

Corona sells just as many t-shirts to 13-year-old boys as they sell beer to 13-year-old boys. It is amazing just how non descript a Corona is without that damned lime. Some may call it Mexican piss in a bottle, some may call it a Cinco de Mayo tradition. All I know, if I'm drinking a Corona, I am most likely surrounded by sand and water and someone else is buying the beer!

Further evidence that the Big Breweries such as Anheuser-Busch and Miller are no different than Coke and Pepsi.

Coke Lime vs. Pepsi Twist (Pepsi with a lime twist) AKA Bud Light Lime vs. Miller Chill (Miller with a lime twist)

Regardless, I often sit back, gaze at the passing clouds, inhale the fresh breeze, ponder the mountains, become one with the birds and ask myself, "how in the fuck can Bud Light get any shittier?"

Well...now I can move on with my thoughts and ponder how Coke can ever counter-attack the Crystal Pepsi onslaught?

So I waited my entire lifetime to drown my tastebuds in this epic ale. All I hear is how these fantastic indie/hippie west coast breweries are leading the way in American beer brewing. New Belgium and Stone get's thrown out there the most. I have not personally found Stone to be anything special. But I finally got a taste of the "holy grail" of Colorado micro-brewing: Fat Tire. "What a waste of coal".
Keep it on the west side my Pacific friends...because if that's your top amber ale, my east coast taste buds suggest a better breed of hops are grown under the ozone-riden, over-populated, under-employed, over-worked, under-vitaminD'd, land-hogging East Side.

It smells of something found caught in the shag carpet of a Cheech and Chong apartment. It looks like what beer should look like. It jumps out of the bottle and cascades down the slopes of the glass. It bites the air around it and grabs like a bulldog to a mailman's scrotum. It has become what February is really all about. Forget about Valentine's Day. Forget about Presidents' Day. Forget about Groundhog Day (please....let's ALL forget about Groundhog Day). Forget about Black History Month. February is Nugget Nectar season!

In other words: it ain't a bad beer.

We are not spending this month saluting Labatt Blue. We are spending this month saluting Labatt Blue for their consistency in screwing us with their 11.5 oz bottles. Hooray!! Dickhead canucks. I have a special place in my heart for Labatt Blue, so this salute has nothing to do with the product that sits in that fine little 11.5 oz bottle. Bottom line: if a bakers' dozen is 13, than a Labatt Blue case is 23. It's not a bad pilsner as far as macrobrews go, but drink that shit on tap. Because the loonie no longer is valued at half the U.S. dollar...so don't get screwed by the case exchange rate. Give us a goddamned 12 ounce bottle or we'll start drinking Moosehead!

*Author's Note: I recently purchased a case of a Labatt product and it came in a 28 pack. So kudos to my friends the dickhead canucks! I suppose this site has the influence I thought it did.

I don't like generalizing beers. I don't like "calling out" a brewery for making a poor product. I don't like to proclaim a beer "crappy" since each his own. With that said, this shit sucks! In the world of winter warmers, this may be a "good" beer. I feel bad picking on Harpoon, who normally produces some decent products. This is the only winter warmer I have ever had, so Harpoon takes the blame. I bought a case once without knowing what I was getting into. I gave away 23 of those bottles. And not because I was in the holiday gift giving spirit. I could care less if the alcohol content is higher than the average swill. Nutmeg, cinnamon, malt, cherries, ass sweat...these things should be reserved for eggnog (see "eggnog" just to the right) NOT beer.

One of the first mass production pumpkin beers. It is a very wretched version of a potable carbonated beverage. It's all in the name. If you ask for a pumpkin ale, you better damned well be expecting chunks of pumpkin pie floating in a beer---because that's what you're getting. This beverage should be an autumnal favorite at Dairy Queen, not a sick project by Pete Coors. If Blue Moon's White Ale has become the reason to put an orange in a beer, than this concoction might as well come with a dollop of whipped cream on top! So raise your muskets, slaughter a buffalo, sleep with a furry 14-year-old girl and chug a pumpkin ale....because that's how the pilgrims did it!

One of the few Octoberfest brews with the BALLS to call it OCtoberfest rather than OKtoberfest. For starters, American radical Sam Adams did not have beef with Germany, so that is not an historical issue. However, a traditional "belly" brew (that which I dub in between a macro and micro brew) like Sam Adams, has a bit of clout in today's market. SO, what do they do with this brew?

I must say, Sam Adams Octoberfest is one of the greatest enigmas in modern belly-brewing. Because every year people think it tastes slightly or radically different than last years' batch! Whether or not this is true, it gives amateurs and beer snobs alike a chance to get drunk, and argue over hops and malt. And THAT is the true spirit of Oktoberfest (along with girls dressed as the St. Pauli Girl).

All American PBR. A beer best served straight from a 16oz aluminum can. Second only to dead groundhogs, an empty Pabst can is the most common item found along the side of a road. Get yourself a pallet of Pabst and raise a can, for that's the taste of a cheap American summer afternoon you've got in your hand.